BREAKING NEWS: Squirrels threaten Mountain View!

This is the headline article – front page news! – of the Mountain View Voice today:

Cuesta squirrels in crosshairs
Trapping will focus on five specific squirrels believed to be the source of the problem

squirrel.jpg For those of you who don’t live in Mountain View, the last 6 months have been filled with fear and dread. A gang of marauding squirrels has been threatening children at Cuesta Park, which is just a few miles away from our house. Like a gang of thugs, they watch for defenseless children with their peanut butter sandwiches, and when they’re not looking – WHAM! – they pounce!

OH BROTHER.

Can you say “overblown?” This story has received national press coverage. Ok, ok. I get it. I’d be pissed too if a squirrel came after Justin and bit / scratched him just to get at his snack. But come on – they’re squirrels! Isn’t this a problem that can be solved easily? Just trap the suckers and get rid of them.

But NOOOOO. Leave it to Mountain View. Months went by as the city council consulted “several agencies and experts to find the best method to deal with the problem.” They decided – surprise surprise – to trap them. But here’s the best thing: to pacify the concerned community of squirrel lovers “the squirrels targeted will be the small group identified by experts to be the perpetrators of the attacks.”

Now who on earth are these experts? And how much did we pay them to identify these perps? That’s a pretty sweet gig – just hang out at the park all day watching the squirrels. Hey, did you see that squirrel that just menaced the child? Yeah, he’s one of the mean ones! Cha-ching! Time for my coffee break.

Don’t get me wrong. I actually like squirrels. But they are rodents, after all. I’m all for being humane, but this is ridiculous.

Sorry, I just had to get that out of my system.

Advertisements

~ by Nathan on February 6, 2007.

One Response to “BREAKING NEWS: Squirrels threaten Mountain View!”

  1. I have a feisty jack russell who would love to be part of the expert group who identifies the perps!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

 
%d bloggers like this: